Holy cow, what a great thread! Thanks to all of you! I can see that a few of you can definitely relate.
A clinic with Mermer would be AMAZING. I'll have to keep an eye out to see if she's hitting Snowbird again, or somewhere else out this way.
I will say, one thing that one of the instructors did last season on a nasty cat track/traverse that was loaded with death cookies and ice, complete with an infinite drop down one side, was to talk to me about entirely unrelated things--not skiing. Just ask me questions about life in general. It was kind of brilliant. It shut my brain off and let my body just do what it knew how to do. My favorite instructor skis backwards on stuff that challenges me and cheers and yells at me. Again, it gets me out of my head AND gets me to look at him instead of the slope.
My first question is, why ski the steeps that scare you? I know you ski with L3 instructors, but they should know better. In addition, they should have the courtesy to recognize your fear. My wife had never skied when we met and it took a couple years skiing greens before she progressed to blues and a few years more before she progressed to easier black trails. Then after skiing from a beginner level to seven years later, I felt she was ready to try steeps, bumps, etc. She does great but I do not expect her to ski steeps and I do not expect her to like the trails I ski. We mix it up. In fact, I often will take a run on steeps on my own to see if I think she can handle it then I coach her the first time. That strategy has worked out great. Now, when we met I was already and advanced skier and I never complained, rather I invested in her abilities. My suggestion would be to ski steepish trails that do not threaten you and learn to ski them well, then expose yourself to runs that are short but steeper and gain more confidence and technique. My wife used to sit back on steeps and I got her to drive her skis which made a huge difference.
BTW if the people you ski with shrug their shoulders then they are not showing respect for your attempts which is too bad. They need to be patient while to gain confidence and control.
So, I wasn't in official lessons when I followed the instructors down stuff that scared me. I just got to tag along, and other than a few occasions, actually did pretty well, even if it did take me awhile. My worst times were when I would try to get down something that I had previously skied with a lot of fluff and chop on it, which slows me down, that had been groomed and was smooth. I attempted a few of these on my own, nobody pushing me, and quickly froze, my legs jelly. My boyfriend was the BEST at not even remotely getting me in over my head, even though he witnessed a few meltdowns. They were all on mountains that were new to me, on terrain that was well within my ability.
Fear or anxiety is part of it but only part of it. I am using 'anxiety' here to mean "fear where the basis is *not* understood by the subject" - which might give you part of the answer to the question you're asking.
Another part is that one doesn't have easy access to fully automatic coping skills. The skillset that is fully automatic on lesser terrain (and therefore also 'instinctive' or 'intuitive') gets hidden by anxiety. If this wasn't the case, OP wouldn't start off with *better* skills than the terrain leaders but then get in over her head sooner than they do.
Another part of it is that coping with the need for thoughtful or self-reminded skills also tends to snowball into tentative motions and overanalysis of sensations - which builds more uncertainty. Being under-geared for terrain amplifies this considerably. We have several boot related threads on this forum to demonstrate the possibility OP was very much under-geared for terrain.
You get it. The question is, how do I flip that anxiety switch back?
I won't speak for Amy, (I see she posted her comments relating to this above) But from my perspective, I showed an interest in doing more difficult terrain. Sometimes its not that you're uninterested in doing something that paralyzes you, its a matter of letting go of the paralysis.
I maybe want to do more difficult terrain too much. Because that's where ALL my friends ski, and I get left out quite a lot. And I'm kind of tired of it.
Not sure more emotion is the answer , but if redirection works for you ...
This is completely consistent with working determinedly to expand the envelope, but then losing access to automatic movements, and having off gear amplify the tentativeness of your conscious motions. You simply had more stuff to think about last season - and were therefore closer to overload.
According to my thought-model here, more mileage in that terrain would do the opposite of help.
Yes, with the life anxiety I was dealing with, as Tricia touched on earlier, my mind was NOT in a great place last season. And my boyfriend agreed that putting me on terrain that scared the crap out of me was NOT going to be productive. I was encouraged on more than one occasion by the group to "just go ski it!" and he told them, "absolutely not!" There are plenty of steep blues at Snowbasin to practice on.
Amy, I relate. I experience paralysis and intense fear whenever I think about getting married again. So far nothing’s worked and I find myself side-slipping.
In seriousness, I was exposed to some training in this area as it pertains to athletic performance. One of the elements involved differentiating between fear and adrenaline. Neither feels comfortable but adrenaline can add to performance while fear often detracts. It’s easy to think it’s one when it’s the other. They can both get one to yak. The audience in my situation already understood they performed better with adrenaline but for many what could be positive goes the other way if fear is perceived. And of course they’re often working together. The nice thing for many who were trained this way, it wasn’t long before they were able to channel fear into a perception of adrenaline which they welcomed because it helped them perform at a higher level. Even if this doesn’t really apply to you, maybe it can help you channel fear to some extent.
It might help me to just picture the adrenaline rushing through my blood, I don't know. To try to understand WHAT is happening and use it as a tool. This is actually really helpful. (Loved the fear of marriage reference--I get it!!)
Someone else mentioned that "skiing is supposed to be fun." I realized that I had lost my joy for it last season at some point, which is one of the biggest things I got from Mermer's book--find that joy again! Also, focus on sensations of the terrain, weather, etc. and not just attempting the "perfect turn".
Also, yes to continuing to work on improving. Part of my problem is I am a perfectionist and think that I should always ski extremely well on terrain I am comfortable on. I think I'm better off focusing on just PLAYING out there this year. My daughter is good for that, except she thinks traverses through the woods are a hoot, which I don't.