How do you get a spouse hooked on skiing?

[Marker]

Better ask my wife-she got me started 37 years ago....................

11 years since my wife dragged me and the kids to the Poconos. Now I can't wait until winter starts and we have a condo at Killington. But don't expect her to ski alone, she is all about the social part of skiing. I'm more than happy to ski alone if needed.

We have family friends that we take ski trips with. Some wives ski, others don't, but none have the same interest as my wife. I think part of it is the required fitness level. Perhaps your wife is worried about this and injuries?

 

[Jersey Skier]

11 years since my wife dragged me and the kids to the Poconos. Now I can't wait until winter starts and we have a condo at Killington. But don't expect her to ski alone, she is all about the social part of skiing. I'm more than happy to ski alone if needed.

We have family friends that we take ski trips with. Some wives ski, others don't, but none have the same interest as my wife. I think part of it is the required fitness level. Perhaps your wife is worried about this and injuries?

Well, there was that one trip back from Snowmass that she made in two full leg braces. But the new ACL works fine. She skied several trips since then and enjoyed herself as long as the conditions were good.

 

[Analisa]

@4aprice - I should clarify the volunteering vs. voluntold dynamics of ski momming. The prior camp is much happier than the latter. Jealous of that upbringing. My parents were far from the "ultimate" ski parents and I was a particularly giant PITA (always cold, always crying, could not carry or buckle my own gear until I was a tween) and it really shows in my skiing.

 

[4aprice]

First I am very lucky, I ski a lot on guy trips and such but after 18 years my bride came out of ski retirement. she did so more to spend more time together . i modified my ski bell to bell , to have a nice lunch with her and take her to dinner on the way home. I found life really changes after the kids leave and its been more important for us to be together , skiing or otherwise. Tell her how important skiing is to you and how important it is to be with her. The worst tat can happen is that she isn't interested in skiing or ???

We are on the empty nest path ourselves. Empty nest ski weekends are awesome (and made very easy with Ikon Pass) Better hotels, (with hot tubes if possible ) better restaurants, at times it feels like dating again, its great.

Not to get too off topic from a skiing, but empty nesting marriage issues are common (or at least I assume such based on the number of friends my age who experienced their parents divorce/trial separation/a lot of family counseling while they were in or after college).

I find that commentary very sad. Didn't see that in my parents (wife's parents either) or in my own marriage. Love being with my wife.

 

[JeffB]

In all seriousness, there are probably things she really likes to do that you poo paah or participate in reluctantly or with a slight attitude. I like to ski, fish, shoot sporting clays, ride my bike, golf, and I coach kids baseball. Guess how many of those things she genuinely enjoys?

She likes to have some free time to take a damn shower without being interrupted or asked where someone’s shoes are, finding eclectic antiques at various places, and going out to new sushi restaurants. Guess how interested I am in any of that?

I’m not ever going to crave sushi or be super excited about the perfect bench for the mud room. But I can be there in the moment, be pleased that she’s happy, and not have a chip on my shoulder. And she can go out to Steamboat, enjoy being together with the fam, chill in the spa, and be interested in our stories at the end of the day.

Give and take, and doing so without resentment or attitude, is the key. On both sides.

 

[Tony S]

She likes to have some free time to take a damn shower without being interrupted or asked where someone’s shoes are,

Brilliant

 

[Analisa]

I find that commentary very sad. Didn't see that in my parents (wife's parents either) or in my own marriage. Love being with my wife.

Hey now - not saying anyone's marriage is doomed or anything. It's just a life transition that takes good communication, foresight, and compromise - just like any other major milestones like getting married or retirement. My parents some planning for empty nesting & my dad's upcoming retirement and somehow biking has become their "thing" for how they're going to spend time and pick travel destinations (neither have much experience with cycling - super out of the blue). I get a lot of bike helmet selfies. Definitely not sad. Cute as hell. It seems like some of their friends/peers parents don't get on the same page on how to spend their time/money until it's causing issues. I mean, I might be young, but I've at least figured out that good communication and joint planning are always a good idea/fix a lot of problems.

 

[Tony S]

Any tips on changing her outlook?

Anyone ever successfully convert a spouse?

No and no.

 

[BS Slarver]

Wish I could help you with this one buddy. As you know I married my best friend and ski buddy.​

In your shoes or as with some of my friends find resorts that will pamper her as well. A spa, hike, shopping etc.
Some friends vacation alone, he goes west, she goes south of the boarder. Guys week, girls week..... everyones good.

Perhaps, tell her your going out for milk and get a few days in, maybe she won’t notice you went missing

 

[hespeler]

I can understand the sentiment and frustration, especially if you don’t live close to the mountains. Heading out for a few days trip is much easier when your spouse likes to come with. It’s not like doing a quick day trip and coming home that night.

I’m a few years behind you. Kids are still young. My wife does really like to ski and is almost at the same level as I am so I’m not really held back and love to ski with her.

Kids ski great too but my wife likes the kids in a million sports. I’ve tried to scale it back just enough for all of us to keep skiing but have all but given up. It’s a fundamental disagreement we have. I’m not winning this one.

That said, she’s cool with me going skiing when there’s a tiny window for me to break away and she juggles things back home.

For the next few years all of our ski days will shrink and I do worry that by the time we empty nest my wife will have lost an interest in skiing.

I wish you luck in keeping your wife at least somewhat interested or at least reaching a compromise that works for both of you.

 

[Tony S]

Okay, fwiw I'll play.

If you're like me and it's all about the activity itself - maximizing quality and quantity of skiing, in this case - then you are better off separating your skiing from your marriage. Ski with skiers. Don't screw things up by trying to change her into a skier. She's not a skier and never will be. Accept it. Take her to Dominica or Provence or whatever. Do your marriage stuff there.

If skiing is primarily a social thing for you - which I doubt, or you wouldn't be here with the rest of us on-the-spectrum types - you'll figure something out. Don't worry.

 

[Castle Dave]

As in every relationship, it sounds like you are both doing the best compromise you can. If she wasn't an avid skier when you met her then it is unrealistic to expect her to change. I am selfish by nature and have sacrificed several relationships for skiing. I was fortunate to meet a woman who was just a crazy about skiing as well as a better skier than myself so I talked her into marrying me and 21 years later we are ripping it up together. I got lucky but most men are in the same boat as yourself so my advice is to appreciate her for her because shes not going to change and trying to change her can be a short trip to disaster.

 

[Pat AKA mustski]

Hmmm. It sounds to me like your wife enjoys the skiing vacation well enough or she would be pushing for a different type of vacation. It's possible she just doesn't want to ski the kind of terrain you like or doesn't want to go as fast. I am not nearly as brave a skier as my husband so there is a lot of terrain that I won't ski and there are days, skiing with the "boys," when I just get sick of skiing full out. Sometimes I joke that the "boys" only have 2 speeds - full out and dead asleep. There are also days when I feel speedy and enjoy that. On the days when I don't feel speedy, we take turns dropping in first; that way I don't feel like I'm playing catch up all day. Make the ski time together as enjoyable as possible for her. Let her pick the terrain or choose terrain she enjoys. Flirt a little bit and add some romance. I'm not just blowing smoke here. Skiing can be very romantic if you make it so. I enjoy skiing with my husband, but I also don't mind if he heads off to ski some tougher terrain and then we meet back up later. If I felt like I was holding him back or ruining his day, I would probably quit early or opt to stay home ... because I love him and wouldn't want to spoil his fun. He makes sure I know that he enjoys skiing with me- even if it is on groomers or in easy trees. There is balance in our approach.

 

[Tony S]

Sometimes I joke that the "boys" only have 2 speeds - full out and dead asleep.

That's just males. Period. Nothing to do with skiing.

 

[Tony S]

but I also don't mind if he heads off to ski some tougher terrain and then we meet back up later.

The problem comes up when one partner feels antsy and unfulfilled and like s/he hasn't had a proper workout unless s/he's been pushing it at a good clip on challenging terrain from bell to bell. In that case the "You go off and take a run by yourself" approach doesn't cut it, and creates resentment on both sides.

 

[Tony S]

Can you tell this is a little too close to home for me?

What it boils down to for me is having a low tolerance for ambiguity. Is this a ski day or a romance day? If it's a romance day, great; let's not distract me by introducing skiing into the mix. If it's a ski day, great; let's ski. (And ski and ski and ski and ski and ski until I can't move.)

 

[Johnny V.]

"You go off and take a run by yourself" approach doesn't cut it, and creates resentment on both sides.

I guess I'm very lucky. Even though I'm more aggressive and faster than my wife, she is very adventurous and we both enjoy more challenging terrain. We have no problem splitting up for a while if we both want to do something different. Tuesday I was beer league racing while she was off skiing bumps and we met up at lunch.

 

[Paul Lutes]

Listen to Analisa, wise beyond her years (even if she's 80). Sounds like, after this amount of time, skiing's not her thing. You should know what is her thing, and support it loudly and constantly. She will probably reciprocate.

 

[EricG]

Buy a condo at a resort so even if she didn’t feel like skiing that day she has a comfy place to relax by the fire.

 

[surfsnowgirl]

I guess I'm very lucky. Even though I'm more aggressive and faster than my wife, she is very adventurous and we both enjoy more challenging terrain. We have no problem splitting up for a while if we both want to do something different. Tuesday I was beer league racing while she was off skiing bumps and we met up at lunch.

Sounds like me and my guy.