How do you get a spouse hooked on skiing?

[Jersey Skier]

It's probably too late for me, but maybe this can help someone else.

My 52 year old wife of 27 years may call herself a skier, but she's not "one of us." When the weather forecast threatens a major dump, I'm looking at maps and trying to figure out which mountain will get the goods and how can I get there relatively safe. She's bitching about how long the lines will be at the grocery store from all the people buying French Toast supplies. I don't care about groceries, because I don't want to be home.

She has skied with me for over 35 years. Early on it was a requirement of mine. I even paid for her to take skiing as a college elective when we were dating. But as the years go by, I ski more and she skis less and less. Now she only skis on family vacations. Even then, I've learned she is much happier at places with a nice spa and shopping near by because she will not be skiing every day of a trip.

Any tips on changing her outlook?

Anyone ever successfully convert a spouse?

 

[Philpug]

Women love jewelry, entice her with a diamond pendant.

 

[Slasher]

Now she only skis on family vacations. Even then, I've learned she is much happier at places with a nice spa and shopping near by because she will not be skiing every day of a trip.

Count your blessings that even this compromise is possible. Your wife isn't your buddy -- accept and respect her choices.

 

[Jersey Skier]

Women love jewelry, entice her with a diamond pendant.

View attachment 63699

Wish it were that simple. She has more diamonds than she knows what to do with. Many years ago she said that "if she needs new skis, boots or any sporting equipment, just buy it. For any special occasion (birthdays, anniversaries, etc) they make special stores for that, called jewelry stores."

 

[JeffB]

So, let me get this straight . . . your wife of almost 3 decades has, in addition to everything else over the years, supported your skiing whenever you want, supported spending lots of family money on that endeavor, and because she knows its important to you, has participated in her preferred fashion and otherwise tolerated and/or humored your obsession? And obviously is willing to continue? And you're miffed because you want her to be an addict as well or want her to enjoy it even more?

Hope there is a jewelry store on the way home. She's obviously earned it.

 

[Bad Bob]

That sounds like the perfect scenario for you to get to go ski Europe (she can shop Europe). You are a very lucky man.

 

[Analisa]

I'm far, far from a reluctant skier, but I ski with a lot of women and also with a lot of partners of varying abilities and varying levels of enthusiasm and the ONE and only thing that runs true across the board is:

Let her do her own damn thing.

That's not the same as saying "let her walk away from the sport you guys do as a family." But women get frustrated when their partners push them and drill them to get better so they can ski the same rowdy terrain together. Women get frustrated when they get left to ski with the kids on groomers while their partners get to shirk parental duties. Women get frustrated when their partners underestimate their skills. We're all grown women with our own agenda, and every woman in a ski-partners-with-varying-levels-of-benefits-and-commitment seems to have at least one aggravating story of where our partner has tried to "direct our traffic," so to speak.

3 things that have helped others enjoy the experience for me: finding a friend who's at a very similar level that I really click with. Getting the right gear or sticking to the right days to stay warm. Getting the right gear & equipment that matches our goals. But ask her (and listen!) - the reasons she's not into it could really vary. My best ski friend really resisted learning even though her husband loves it and really wanted her to try all because she's really afraid of heights and was scared of the chairlift. Another friend took a season off because she didn't like how much she needed to back off when she was recently postpartum.

And if it's just that she doesn't enjoy it, stick the the resorts with activities to suit you both.

 

[Coach13]

My wife always goes on the overnight family ski trips and sometimes on the day trips. Sometimes she skis, sometimes she doesn’t but she always seems to enjoy the trips, being around the family and taking part in the off hill activities while hearing about the day. About the best way for me to make her unhappy is to push her to do something any given trip when she wants to do something else. I’m thankful she makes the best of something I’m sure she doesn’t love.

 

[UGASkiDawg]

My wife skis when she wants to which might be once or twice a year. I still get in 45-70 days a year. She's a grown up and can do what she wants, no skin off my back.

 

[Jersey Skier]

So, let me get this straight . . . your wife of almost 3 decades has, in addition to everything else over the years, supported your skiing whenever you want, supported spending lots of family money on that endeavor, and because she knows its important to you, has participated in her preferred fashion and otherwise tolerated and/or humored your obsession? And obviously is willing to continue? And you're miffed because you want her to be an addict as well or want her to enjoy it even more?

Hope there is a jewelry store on the way home. She's obviously earned it.

Oh, I never said she supported my skiing whenever I want. There's been a boatload of guilt trips that have kept me home instead of skiing. More often, than not.

 

[Brad J]

First I am very lucky, I ski a lot on guy trips and such but after 18 years my bride came out of ski retirement. she did so more to spend more time together . i modified my ski bell to bell , to have a nice lunch with her and take her to dinner on the way home. I found life really changes after the kids leave and its been more important for us to be together , skiing or otherwise. Tell her how important skiing is to you and how important it is to be with her. The worst tat can happen is that she isn't interested in skiing or ???

 

[Jersey Skier]

First I am very lucky, I ski a lot on guy trips and such but after 18 years my bride came out of ski retirement. she did so more to spend more time together . i modified my ski bell to bell , to have a nice lunch with her and take her to dinner on the way home. I found life really changes after the kids leave and its been more important for us to be together , skiing or otherwise. Tell her how important skiing is to you and how important it is to be with her. The worst tat can happen is that she isn't interested in skiing or ???

Kinda what prompted this thread. This is my son's first year away at college, so it's just the two of us at home now. I see that as a way to ski more since we aren't catering to him. Not sure she realizes she doesn't need to be home 7 days a week anymore.

 

[Johnny V.]

Better ask my wife-she got me started 37 years ago....................

 

[Lorenzzo]

I thought married guys go skiing to get away from their wives.

 

[Brad J]

Kinda what prompted this thread. This is my son's first year away at college, so it's just the two of us at home now. I see that as a way to ski more since we aren't catering to him. Not sure she realizes she doesn't need to be home 7 days a week anymore.[/QUOTE

I went thru this 10 years ago and its so important to reconnect, I almost blew it and I was very lucky that my bride was receptive to working our life out for the future. Good luck

 

[Scruffy]

Count your blessings that even this compromise is possible. Your wife isn't your buddy -- accept and respect her choices.

My wife is my best bud, lover, and love of my life. She doesn't ski as hard as I do and has some physical limitations ( eyes ) that keep her home more than me, but she has 20 days this season so far, so not too bad.

accept and respect her choices.

Yes this. we respect each other and support each other's choices in life, and that includes skiing. She even encourages me to go away with my skiing bros and get the gnar out of my system

 

[4aprice]

I'm far, far from a reluctant skier, but I ski with a lot of women and also with a lot of partners of varying abilities and varying levels of enthusiasm and the ONE and only thing that runs true across the board is:

Let her do her own damn thing.

That's not the same as saying "let her walk away from the sport you guys do as a family." But women get frustrated when their partners push them and drill them to get better so they can ski the same rowdy terrain together. Women get frustrated when they get left to ski with the kids on groomers while their partners get to shirk parental duties. Women get frustrated when their partners underestimate their skills. We're all grown women with our own agenda, and every woman in a ski-partners-with-varying-levels-of-benefits-and-commitment seems to have at least one aggravating story of where our partner has tried to "direct our traffic," so to speak.

3 things that have helped others enjoy the experience for me: finding a friend who's at a very similar level that I really click with. Getting the right gear or sticking to the right days to stay warm. Getting the right gear & equipment that matches our goals. But ask her (and listen!) - the reasons she's not into it could really vary. My best ski friend really resisted learning even though her husband loves it and really wanted her to try all because she's really afraid of heights and was scared of the chairlift. Another friend took a season off because she didn't like how much she needed to back off when she was recently postpartum.

And if it's just that she doesn't enjoy it, stick the the resorts with activities to suit you both.

Interesting perspective here.

I am lucky, I have a wife who has skied with me since we met in the eighties, first as a friend she will tell you. We raised 2 kids that both ski. We made it a lifestyle choice.

When we first met she really pushed herself and became a much better skier. It was a very fun and exciting time for me. But a knee injury changed her style. She's still a great skier, but a much more cautious one. Went through the surgery and rehab with her and therefore understand the change and admire her toughness in getting up and out on the skis as soon as she could. She is still my #1 ski bud and we have a blast, mostly on the groomers and dabbling in the trees on powder days out west too. When she's done for the day I get to hit the other stuff.

Like I said we made it a lifestyle choice. More then once I have had friends tell me she was the ultimate "ski mom". She certainly did her parental part with the kids as 1 was an instructor and 1 was a racer (driving, feeding clothing, getting to the Mt etc.) When we travel out west as a family (extended family too) she loves to take control of the food and kitchen. She is very good at planning a menu, cooking large meals for hungry skiers and having the left overs used for lunch's during the week. She enjoys it all but will tell you a ski trip is not a vacation.

Don't have any advise for the OP other then enjoy the time you spend together. That's my number 1 motivation

 

[Brad J]

I thought married guys go skiing to get away from their wives.

only the one's that want to come home to a dark cold house

 

[Pequenita]

Meet her where she is and be glad she is willing to compromise with a resort that has a spa, etc.

 

[Analisa]

Kinda what prompted this thread. This is my son's first year away at college, so it's just the two of us at home now. I see that as a way to ski more since we aren't catering to him. Not sure she realizes she doesn't need to be home 7 days a week anymore.

Not to get too off topic from a skiing, but empty nesting marriage issues are common (or at least I assume such based on the number of friends my age who experienced their parents divorce/trial separation/a lot of family counseling while they were in or after college). How many conversations and planning went into the decision to get married? Buy a house? Have kids? How much planning has gone into this transition? Just because your son is growing up with or without you doesn't mean you guys can't make some plans for what your new lives will look like (and how you'll still get all your ski days).