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How do you get a spouse hooked on skiing?

surfsnowgirl

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Buy a condo at a resort so even if she didn’t feel like skiing that day she has a comfy place to relax by the fire.

This is what we did. Our condo's not at a resort but it is trailside with a bar to walk to after we get back to the condo after a day on the slopes. Or if I have to work or he just wants to sleep in he sleeps in while I ski and he's got somewhere to walk to for lunch if he feels like leaving the condo.
 

EricG

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This is what we did. Our condo's not at a resort but it is trailside with a bar to walk to after we get back to the condo after a day on the slopes. Or if I have to work or he just wants to sleep in he sleeps in while I ski and he's got somewhere to walk to for lunch if he feels like leaving the condo.

It makes life so much easier. I only work 4 days, so we always have a 3 day weekend at the condo. Once I get my work schedule a little more flexible we will start spending more time in CO vs just in VT.
 

Chef23

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Kinda what prompted this thread. This is my son's first year away at college, so it's just the two of us at home now. I see that as a way to ski more since we aren't catering to him. Not sure she realizes she doesn't need to be home 7 days a week anymore.

My wife doesn’t have the passion and she doesn’t like the cold. I got her started when we met in 92 and she skied a fair amount with me until we had our first in 98. She has been a sporadic skier since then and doesn’t love it. Over the holidays she was a trooper skiing in cold and icy conditions but I know she didn’t enjoy it (I barely did) and I haven’t been able to get her up since then. We are going to Utah next weekend to watch my son play lax and built a ski trip around it. I am hoping warmer weather than NE along with better snow will at least rekindle her l8king it.

You can’t force it. Try taking her somewhere that there is something else to do while you ski. You can still have breakfast, dinner and a few cocktails together.

My youngest is off at college for the first time also so we are trying to do more together also. We went hiking in the fall and have a beach vacation planned for her. That will get me some more ski days.
 

Blue Streak

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I hesitate to opine, because my solution to a similar problem was neither simple, nor economical.

But, by God it worked!
:daffy:
 

Ulmerhutte

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I hesitate to opine, because my solution to a similar problem was neither simple, nor economical.

But, by God it worked!
:daffy:

Buy her good gear, find a great instructor and encourage regular lessons, and go to lovely places (like St Anton, Austria). Don’t force it - be patient. If she wants a break, don’t grumble, even on a powder day. Play the long game. Worked for me.

Don’t try to teach her. Don’t take her into terrain beyond her comfort level. On the latter, how often have you seen a guy skiing down, carrying a pair of skis, while the woman is sliding down on her bum, with a big, dark cloud above her head? You just know the conversation went something like, “Sure you can do it, it is not that steep...!”. Rarely ends well.
 

firebanex

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My wife got into skiing because I told her I wasn't giving up my weekends in the winter when we started dating. Now we got a couple years into our marriage and she now ski patrols with me. There is still a pretty decent skill difference between us, so I just buy skis that can still be fun at lower speeds so we can ski together and I don't feel like I'm missing out. She's not nearly into skiing as I am, she won't ski alone, and she wont go skiing unless I'm out there too. That's fine by me, I realize she's not as into it as I am, it's the same thing with paddleboarding in the summer. She is absolutely crazy for it and will go out by herself during the weekdays while I'm at work, I enjoy it and go with her every weekend and play with her but I'm not quite as into it as she is. We have our things and we both support the other in what we like to do. What I'm trying to say is that compromise is what you are trying to find, your wife may enjoy skiing but she also wants to do other things on the ski vacations and trips. That's fine so long as you both talk and agree to it and set your expectations of how the day will go so that neither of you feel abandoned.

Another thing that has really helped with my marriage when we are on the snow.. we only do a couple "learning" moments during the day where I offer tips on how my wife can improve her skiing. Anymore than a couple and I am in trouble, also compliment her skiing! It makes a huge difference.
 

jmills115

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My wife grew up in PHX and 8 years in Utah has not created a love of cold weather. She knew I took many years away from skiing and didn't understand why I stopped after seeing me being happy hiking Alta in the summers and fall and pushed the conversation on why I stopped and that she would like to learn.
I am skiing again because of her. She started to ski knowing it was something I wanted to do.
She is in her 3rd season with me being her only teacher up to now. I've brought up her taking a lesson and she isn't in a rush and is happy being a solid intermediate.
Alta has over 5' of new snow in the past week with a fresh 15" to start Thursday. I skied green and blue groomers with her all day and was happy since that's where she's comfortable. It will snow again.
She booked 5 nights in Jackson for our 5th anniversary which was New Years Day. I know she would rather vacation in a warm climate so we canceled and booked Mexico in March and may do Hawaii instead a few months later so we can finish the ski season. Going to Taos for a mini gathering or Big Sky would be fun but won't happen for me.
My wife is selfless.
 

Pat AKA mustski

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Can you tell this is a little too close to home for me? ogwink

What it boils down to for me is having a low tolerance for ambiguity. Is this a ski day or a romance day? If it's a romance day, great; let's not distract me by introducing skiing into the mix. If it's a ski day, great; let's ski. (And ski and ski and ski and ski and ski until I can't move.)

Except the OP wants to ski with his wife. I still say that he will have plenty of time to ski on his own on terrain he wants to ski. If he wants his wife to enjoy skiing, he needs to make it about the two of them. Women are relationship driven. For us, it's as much about the quality of time spent together as it is about the activity. I know of what I speak. I took up bike riding for my husband when we got married and he took up attending Broadway musicals. We discovered that we thoroughly enjoyed the new activities because it was quality time together.
 
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Jersey Skier

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Except the OP wants to ski with his wife. I still say that he will have plenty of time to ski on his own on terrain he wants to ski. If he wants his wife to enjoy skiing, he needs to make it about the two of them. Women are relationship driven. For us, it's as much about the quality of time spent together as it is about the activity. I know of what I speak. I took up bike riding for my husband when we got married and he took up attending Broadway musicals. We discovered that we thoroughly enjoyed the new activities because it was quality time together.

She still hasn't taken up bike riding. I own a bike shop, BTW.
 

Tony S

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Except the OP wants to ski with his wife. I still say that he will have plenty of time to ski on his own on terrain he wants to ski. If he wants his wife to enjoy skiing, he needs to make it about the two of them. Women are relationship driven. For us, it's as much about the quality of time spent together as it is about the activity. I know of what I speak. I took up bike riding for my husband when we got married and he took up attending Broadway musicals. We discovered that we thoroughly enjoyed the new activities because it was quality time together.

Obviously each case is different. Everyone has history, has happy and sad buttons to be pushed. If Person B actually wants to ski, fantastic. If Person B doesn't, then the fact that Person A wants to ski with Person B is totally irrelevant, no matter how much Person A might wish otherwise.
 

Jerez

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Have you talked to her about it? If it's really because she just isn't as crazy about the sport as you are, then the advice to let it be and be thankful for what interest she does have is valid.

If not, can you have an honest, introspective look at yourself and determine if it might be because you are pushing her too hard in terms of terrain, speed, length of day, desire to "improve"? If so, are you willing to have fun, for example, on the groomers, if that's her preferred terrain... without any hint of frustration?

I am the lunatic in my family. But am very lucky that my DH also likes to ski and we do ski together most of the time and I've learned to rein myself in.

We ski sometimes with a friend who is 20-30 years our junior and who is a very fast, aggressive skier. While the challenge is fun, it can be exhausting, and I can only imagine how it would feel if that was my spouse. That experience gave me perspective.

Imagine how you'd feel if every single ski day you are struggling to keep up, never feeling the joy of that "flow state" for the pressure to keep up or measure up.
 
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Jersey Skier

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Imagine how you'd feel if every single ski day you are struggling to keep up, never feeling the joy of that "flow state" for the pressure to keep up or measure up.

This is why I ski alone most of the time. So I'm not struggling to keep up.:daffy:
 

mister moose

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Imagine how you'd feel if every single ski day you are struggling to keep up, never feeling the joy of that "flow state" for the pressure to keep up or measure up.
Great point.

Has the OP asked his wife how to make skiing more enjoyable? Help her find her passion on snow. It might be different than yours, but finding it will be worthwhile.

Skiing with her at her speed on her trail is important. And if you're bored - it's on you.

Ski behind her at a safe distance, and try to carve at a faster speed turning farther across the hill, and travelling a further distance, so you don't gain on her.

Pick up a ski for a full minute, and ski on one foot. Now switch feet. Can't do it? Boom, whole new thing to practice, and your skiing will improve 100%.

Her passion will likely never be as strong as yours. Be glad she's out there. Her finding ski buddies can be a big deal. You'll never do this by being a transient. Maybe you should marry a ski hill too.
 

VickieH

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Have you talked to her about it? If it's really because she just isn't as crazy about the sport as you are, then the advice to let it be and be thankful for what interest she does have is valid.
Quoting just one of many instances in this thread to say ... Are we talking about skiing, or are we talking about sex? So many parallels between the two in what the OP and others have posted.
 
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Jersey Skier

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Quoting just one of many instances in this thread to say ... Are we talking about skiing, or are we talking about sex? So many parallels between the two in what the OP and others have posted.

Yeah. I save my sex questions for the cycling forums. To pc here. Or I guess I could ask this over on TGR.
 

Slim

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It's probably too late for me, but maybe this can help someone else.

My 52 year old wife of 27 years may call herself a skier, but she's not "one of us." When the weather forecast threatens a major dump, I'm looking at maps and trying to figure out which mountain will get the goods and how can I get there relatively safe. She's bitching about how long the lines will be at the grocery store from all the people buying French Toast supplies. I don't care about groceries, because I don't want to be home.

She has skied with me for over 35 years. Early on it was a requirement of mine. I even paid for her to take skiing as a college elective when we were dating. But as the years go by, I ski more and she skis less and less. Now she only skis on family vacations. Even then, I've learned she is much happier at places with a nice spa and shopping near by because she will not be skiing every day of a trip.

Any tips on changing her outlook?

Anyone ever successfully convert a spouse?
Have you tried yelling and sulking? I think that is the standard procedure in such cases
 
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Tony S

I have a confusion to make ...
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Quoting just one of many instances in this thread to say ... Are we talking about skiing, or are we talking about sex? So many parallels between the two in what the OP and others have posted.

Meh, I'm much more adaptable when it comes to less critical stuff like that.
 

Lorenzzo

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Quoting just one of many instances in this thread to say ... Are we talking about skiing, or are we talking about sex? So many parallels between the two in what the OP and others have posted.
According to Freud we're always talking about sex.
 

karlo

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Just want highlight some salient points

I'm looking at maps and trying to figure out which mountain will get the goods and how can I get there relatively safe

I don't care about groceries, because I don't want to be home

I even paid for her to take skiing

it was a requirement of mine.

There's been a boatload of guilt trips that have kept me home instead of skiing

This is my son's first year away at college, so it's just the two of us at home now. I see that as a way to ski more since we aren't catering to him.

Any tips on changing (how I change) her outlook?

Can’t help but seconding

Your working on the wrong outlook to change.

Not sure she realizes she doesn't need to be home 7 days a week anymore.

She realizes. Just being brutally honest. :)

Couple things on a personal note.

Many, many years after our divorce, and after I was re-married, my former wife reached out to me and asked if we might get together, just as friends, pointing out that she had taken a strong liking to skiing, and that she had gotten quite good. I still love skiing. But, it made me sad that this is the only thing that she thinks of when thinking of me. And, I mean I’m sad for myself, not her.

Second, I hope, in the selection of your alias, you mean you and your wife live in Jersey Channel Islands. I would be terrified if your wife and mine ever meet and begin sharing notes. Because, yes, I too am guilty as charged! I too need to change my outlook.

Edit:

Ok, now this is really going to be a confessional. All these years, she’s been saying she would like to have an apartment in the City; summer season rentals at the beach. A few weeks ago, she fancied a condo at the Mountain, ...and, I felt gratified. I now realize, after reading this thread, I have nothing to be gratified about, as it relates to myself and my selfishness. In fact, my feeling of gratification I now see is a false one, one that is constructed on sand. I too have to change my outlook.

The good news is, she hasn’t divorced me, yet. It’s not too late,

It's probably too late for me,

for either of us.
 
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