Update from the OP:
I'm now a year out from my husband's death, and I'm no longer panicked about money. So far, I've been able to stay within the budget and guidelines that my FA gave me - something that seemed impossible at the start. I continue to use my simplistic spreadsheet - every month, it starts with my budget, and I subtract everything I spend, shooting for a positive number at the end of the month. I am starting to see that categories would be useful, but for now, this works for me.
I have a financial advisor, and he takes a percentage. I've decided it's worth it to me because, honestly, I detest dealing with financial instruments and tracking the market. This way, I just have to sign some papers now and then, or verbally approve of something. That percentage buys me peace of mind, and it allows me to invest my mental and emotional energy elsewhere.
For a variety of reasons, I haven't skied much this season. My ski condo lease is up in July, and I've asked my landlords if they'd be interested in ending it early. My FA tells me that if I don't buy or rent a mountain home, I can retire 5 years earlier than planned, and with greater certainty (ie, monte carlo simulations are even more favorable). I love the mountains, but I-70 is getting worse and worse, my older dog isn't doing well with the drive, and I have a lot going on in the front range. Maybe holding off, investing Eric's life insurance, and retiring early to a less crowded part of the Rockies isn't the worst plan. I hear that SOME people don't even have a ski condo at all, and are fairly happy with their lives ...