Post Your Funnies, Any Funnies. I need to laugh!

[whitefeathers]

Ahh. She is obviously using the " New Formula "

For more horsepower

 

[John Webb]

 

[teejaywhy]

All you military types should enjoy this. I can see some of my troops doing this.


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You can request a Captain's Mast? Wut??

 

[Andy Mink]

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A friend of my father's had a female dobey who spent the nights in his shop where he worked on British cars. He came in one morning to a lot of blood, some torn denim, and a broken window. And a dog sitting there like nothing exciting happened. Apparently, she never even barked and just let the would-be thief get far enough through the window to get a good chomp. Good dog. If you visited during the day she would whack you in the leg with a piece of radiator hose until you threw it for her. One or two whacks and you would throw it.

 

[Bad Bob]

 

[David Chaus]

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I resemble that remark.

 

[Zrxman01]

 

[oldschoolskier]

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Hey a hairdresser in disguise.

 

[Jilly]

That looks like a Shell station??

Hey a hairdresser in disguise.

My cousin's wife is a dog groomer. I am so tempted to ask......but I don't really look like a Great Dane.....that's what she does...

 

[T-Square]

 

[John Webb]

 

[Heeler]

A pirate walks into a bar with a paper towel on his head.

The bartender says, "What's with the paper towel?"

The pirate says, "Arrr! I've got a Bounty on me head!"

A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel on his pants, a peg leg and a parrot on his shoulder.

The bartender says "Hey, you've got a steering wheel on your pants."

The pirate says "Arrrr, I know. It's driving me nuts."

 

[Heeler]

What did the Buddhist say to the hot dog vendor?

"Make me one with everything."

 

[Coach13]

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So true! Lol

 

[oldschoolskier]

A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel on his pants, a peg leg and a parrot on his shoulder.

The bartender says "Hey, you've got a steering wheel on your pants."

The pirate says "Arrrr, I know. It's driving me nuts."

@Doug Briggs is what you started

 

[dbostedo]

A pirate walks into a bar with a paper towel on his head.

The bartender says, "What's with the paper towel?"

The pirate says, "Arrr! I've got a Bounty on me head!"

A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel on his pants, a peg leg and a parrot on his shoulder.

The bartender says "Hey, you've got a steering wheel on your pants."

The pirate says "Arrrr, I know. It's driving me nuts."

A pirate walks into bar and sits down. The bartender notices that he has a peg leg, a hook for a hand, and a patch over one eye. The pirate orders a beer, and while he's pouring it the bartender asks "So what's the story with the leg?"

"Well it were many a year ago," says the pirate. "I were walkin on the deck a me ship and a rogue wave swept me overboard, and a shark swum up and bit me leg clean off! I swum ashore and were fitted fer a peg leg that very night."

"That's terrible," says the bartender. "What about the hand?"

"Well it were the very next day," says the pirate. "I were walkin on the deck a me ship and a rogue wave swept me overboard again, and a whale came up and bit me hand clean off! I swum ashore and were fitted fer a hook that very night."

"Wow," says the bartender. "So what about the eye?"

"Well it were the very next day," says the pirate. "I were walkin on the deck a me ship, and I were lookin out fer rogue waves, and a seagull flew over and shit right in me eye!"

"Oh man," says the bartender. "And that blinded you?"

"Well no," says the pirate. "But it were me first day with the hook."

 

[Bad Bob]

 

[Michael Kane]

One day Caesar decided to go on a tour of the empire. All though out his visits, city's, states and nations heaped lavish displays of affection upon him, each trying to out do the other. When it was coming time for his last stop, the city's elders got together to discuss what to do.

The first said "Let's pave the street gold". The other chipped in pshaw it has already been done. This type of discussion went on for some time with each idea being discarded. Finally the last elder said, "Hey, I got an idea. Caesar hates christians right." They other shouted out "Who doesn't hate those bastards." "Well," the elder said, let's round up a couple hundered of them and crucify them on the road into town as we thow a big parade with slave girls for Caesar." The plan was struck.

On the day of his visit, a hundred christians were crucifed on each side of the road leading into town. A large parade, equiped with slave girls, exotic animals, shriners, slave girls, marching bands, floats, slave girls and finally Caesar proceeded down the road lined with crucified christians. Caesar was pleased for he thought this shurly was the greatest gift he could receive as he looked up at the crucified and their agony.

When he came to the last christian, Caesar looked up and the man was mumbling under his breath. Caesar wondered what in the hell could this man be saying. He shouted "halt the slave girls and parade." "What are you saying man" he yelled. The christian just hung there going "mumble mumble, mumble." Ceaser got out of this chariet and escorted a couple of slave girls to the base of the cross. "Damn it, what are you saying" he declared. All that was heard was a low mumble, mumble , mumble. "Slave girls," Caesar bellowed "fetch me a ladder I need to know what this man is saying." A man-lift ladder was procured and Caesar climbed to the top. He grabbed the man's head between his hands, looked him dead in the eye and said "For the sake of the gods, what are you saying."

The christian mumbled out "oh I love a parade."

 

[T-Square]

 

[Varmintmist]

You can request a Captain's Mast? Wut??

We had a guys wife call the shop and ask the E6 if her husband could come home because she was horny. He got to go.