My kid is a good skier, but still scared

[clong83]

I saw that you already tried an individual lesson. I would strongly suggest not to worry over this too much. Pushing a fearful child will almost certainly have the opposite effect. A six-week ski school with other kids, maybe next year, is probably just the ticket. (I also like the follow-you technique. You can start that on the magic carpet, too, if you haven't already.)

Some kids (and adults) are pretty fearless, but the instinct that holds people back is very, very strong. It originates in the old brain, with other lifesaving skills like breathing and heartbeat. It's the main cause of leaning back when we know that putting pressure on the tips will give us better control.

It takes a lot of experience to get oneself forward on the skis, combating millennia of survival instinct passed down through our DNA. A fearful child is just doing what nature intended, for the danger she perceives. Watching a group of peers try and succeed often gives a child a new perspective. See: your swing set example.

It's hard to have patience with this kind of fear. But it's very, very real to her.

Thanks. I agree 100% with the multi-week ski school. We really wanted to do that with her this year, but my local hill didn't open until late January and they scuttled their kids multi-week program. By the time it was obviously not going to work there, the other mountain nearby that has a weekly kid's ski camp was fully booked. We won't make that mistake next year, for sure. We'll book it at whichever one opens first.

We wanted to do it the year before even, but that year they both got scuttled due to covid.

Edit, as a note: while I am expressing some frustration here on this board, I really do try not to put any pressure on her. Last weekend, on her way up the magic carpet, she turned around and asked me "What do you want me to practice this time?" and my response was: "Just have fun!". We have a great time together. I do sometimes ask her if we can go to the "big" lift, but if she says no, I don't press the issue. And if we do try the big lift, we always return to the magic carpet whenever she asks.

 

[tomahawkins]

Maybe sign her up for the next Taos gathering?

(Patience and kid groups as others have suggested. We had luck using a leash too, which served as a good transition from skiing while holding them up to skiing on their own.)

 

[scott43]

I don't think anyone is judging..kids are complicated..and we're not there. I used to think I knew everything until I had kids. Now I'm a complete idiot.. I'm on the parent bus and it's out of control!!

 

[Pat AKA mustski]

It sounds like you are a great parent! I was too - all about my kid… but a quick story to emphasize that we don’t know what we don’t know. I put my son on skis at 3 … a few lessons a year.. skiing the bunny slope with us the rest of the time, and he loved it. When he was 5, we put him in a half day lesson at Mammoth. His biggest issue was his refusal to give up his “edgie wedgie.” The instructor at Mammoth took it away. He went into emotional overdrive and skied away. She was young and did not handle it well which resulted in the ski school “losing” him - at Mammoth which is appropriately named. We found him (and his gear) but the ski school was flummoxed and defensive because he was “disobedient” and skied off - at 5 yrs old. No. He was scared. I had explained the issue of the “edgie wedgie” and they tried to help me by taking it away. He was lost at a giant ski mountain by himself. After that, he refused to get back on skis. It was 7 years before he would try again.

Result: At 25 yrs old, my son is a kick ass skier. As a family, we lost 7 years of skiing because I pushed too hard on a fear issue. Walk gently.

 

[clong83]

Update for anyone who is interested:

We went up on Sunday, and it was a full on powder storm skiing day with 8-10 inches of fresh snow. I was a little wary about taking her up, not knowing how she would respond to the conditions. It was also very cold, probably single digits.

But she did great! We did a warmup run on the beginner chair (not the carpet), and she loved how the powder slowed her down a bit. I think the poor visibility also helped with her fear since she couldn't see all the way down the mountain. Then we rode the "real" lift to the top of the mountain! She just did her thing and made tons of turns and the deep soft snow really helped her control her speed for her. She was laughing with joy the whole way down.

So apparently I just need to take her out on deep powder days exclusively.

I think she will regress some when normal spring conditions return, but that's okay. I am just very happy that she finally made a leap in progress and enjoyed herself while doing it.

 

[Philpug]

So apparently I just need to take her out on deep powder days exclusively.

Little kids love kellihopters. I hope you have a high credit limit on yoru Visa.

 

[Kent]

@clong83

Congratulations on your daughter's laughter! I suggest that if her fear “problem” returns, you ask her if she is afraid. If she answers in the affirmative, say something in line with, “Good for you! Good girl! Fear is your friend. Just like you want to look out for your friends and they want to look out for you, fear is looking out for your well-being.” Teach her to ask fear what it is concerned about and what it recommends. Kristen Ulmer (The Art of Fear) teaches that we should honor fear, that honoring fear is way more useful and helpful than fighting it.

 

[Kent]

Jackson Hogen interviews Kristen Ulmer on his podcast. Kristen is excellent.

 

[Rdputnam515]

Any tips? She is 6 years old, and we go up nearly every weekend. She's a champ at the magic carpet. She can ski switch through the cone field they set up, jump over cones, stop wherever you ask her to, etc, etc. She's got the fundamentals down pat. Still wedges a bit when she turns, but I'm not too worried about that at this point.

The problem is that even on low angle beginner lift areas, she freezes up. She demands to hold onto my ski poles the whole way down, even on aspects that are the same pitch (or less!) as the magic carpet area. This has been going on for a bit over a year now. If I just very lightly hold the poles so that she does everything herself, she does just fine, but she gets upset if she notices that I am not holding on. She also tenses up sometimes and hugs my poles so tightly she almost pulls me down.

Any ideas on how to get her over the hump so that she can progress? I don't exactly know what she is afraid of. She falls occasionally, and usually just laughs, so I don't think it is that. I don't want to traumatize her and make her hate skiing. She says she likes it, but she just never ever wants to leave the magic carpet area, which is getting annoying, and I think she will soon start to get bored of it herself. She was actually skiing out on open beginner pistes more readily last year and has regressed in terms of confidence (but not form).

Edit to say that I have never yelled at her or overloaded her with criticism/tips such that she is anxious about it. I've tried to always just be supportive and let her do her thing and learn on her own for the most part. I have pushed her to try the lift more, but only pretty tepidly since I am trying to make skiing fun.

Can you get her into a Jr race program/race club? Maybe she would enjoy that and skiing with a bunch of kids will be great for her?

 

[locknload]

Update for anyone who is interested:

We went up on Sunday, and it was a full on powder storm skiing day with 8-10 inches of fresh snow. I was a little wary about taking her up, not knowing how she would respond to the conditions. It was also very cold, probably single digits.

But she did great! We did a warmup run on the beginner chair (not the carpet), and she loved how the powder slowed her down a bit. I think the poor visibility also helped with her fear since she couldn't see all the way down the mountain. Then we rode the "real" lift to the top of the mountain! She just did her thing and made tons of turns and the deep soft snow really helped her control her speed for her. She was laughing with joy the whole way down.

So apparently I just need to take her out on deep powder days exclusively.

I think she will regress some when normal spring conditions return, but that's okay. I am just very happy that she finally made a leap in progress and enjoyed herself while doing it.

If we're being honest, I generally cry, whine and kvetch and act out when its not a powder day so I can relate. I'm grumpy and not fun to be around when I'm skiing hardpack groomers, BUT I'm such a joy to ski with as the conditions get soft and fluffy. I'll ski anywhere you want. lol

 

[slowrider]

There's a new powderhound in town. Good job skidad.

 

[pete]

with our kids, we'd sometimes "shorten" the hill by having one of us ski down 4, 5, 6 turns and be the target to ski to. Makes hills seem smaller.

Follow the leader helps too. One of ours only liked to ski if they were the instructor training or showing us the things they learned.

After they take group lessons on the hill, ours liked to retrace and show us their runs ... another good reason for group lessons.

Used to use Hershey's bar pcs to help ensure meltdowns didn't occur. I know this isn't an issue but ours would melt down at times if later between meals. One of those things where "after these next few runs we'll take a break" type thing.