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Tricia

The Velvet Hammer
Admin
SkiTalk Tester
Joined
Nov 1, 2015
Posts
27,297
Location
Reno
45883885_2102964239724552_4781874269330079744_o.jpg
 

stvbck

Booting up
Skier
Joined
Jun 4, 2017
Posts
9
Vintage humor

Here's to the girl I really love and who could ask for more - she's deaf and dumb and oversexed and owns a liquor store!
-Woody Woodbury


There was a young fellow from Leeds who swallowed a packet of seeds. Now the silly old ass is all covered in grass, and can't sit down for the weeds!

The Mailman came the first of May, the Fireman came the following day. Nine months later there was hell to pay, who fired the first shot, the blue or the gray?

A toast:

The Horse and Mule live 30 years, yet never know wines or beers.
The Golden Sheep of 20 die, never tastes scotch or rye.
The Cow drinks water by the ton, but at 18 she's all done.
The Dog at 15 cashes in, never tastes of rum or gin.
The Cat on milk and water soaks, then at 12 she sighs and croaks.
The patient, plodding bone dry hen lays eggs for nogs, expires at 10.

But sinful, ginful, rum-soaked men survive for three score years and 10.
SKOAL!

-as told by Rudy Valée


 

dbostedo

Asst. Gathermeister
Moderator
Contributor
SkiTalk Supporter
Joined
Feb 9, 2016
Posts
18,095
Location
75% Virginia, 25% Colorado
I was reading a random joke collection page... most of which weren't very good... but these made me laugh...

===================================================================================

Doctor: "I'm sorry but you suffer from a terminal illness and have only 10 to live."

Patient: "What do you mean, 10? 10 what? Months? Weeks?!"

Doctor: "Nine."

===================================================================================

I was sitting in a bar one day and two really large women came in, talking in an interesting accent.

So I said, “Cool accent, are you two ladies from Ireland?”

One of them snarled at me, “It’s Wales, dumbo!”

So I corrected myself, “Oh, right, so are you two whales from Ireland?”

That’s about as far as I remember.

===================================================================================

Two guys are out hunting in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn’t appear to be breathing, his eyes are glazed over. The other man pulls out his phone with trembling fingers and calls 911. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?"

The operator says "Please stay calm. I will help you. First of all, let's make sure he's dead."

There’s a silence, then a moment later a gun shot. The guy gets back on the phone and says "OK, now what?"
 

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