Post Your Funnies, Any Funnies. I need to laugh!

Doug Briggs

Skiing the powder
Industry Insider
Pugski Ski Tester
Joined
Nov 9, 2015
Posts
4,626
Location
Breckenridge, CO
Yikes! A roofer soon to be seeing an oncologist! Okay, okay, it's a funny joke - but the roofers (and all people who work outdoors) around here wear hats, something to cover their necks, and full sleeve shirts.
I was impressed to see that the workers installing the new fiber network in my neighborhood were protecting themselves as you described. I had a friend that was an engineer visiting construction projects in New England. He would be loudly chastised by his crews for using sun screen and insect repellent. Some things have changed for the better, it would seem.
 

Doug Briggs

Skiing the powder
Industry Insider
Pugski Ski Tester
Joined
Nov 9, 2015
Posts
4,626
Location
Breckenridge, CO
A dangling participle walks into a bar. Enjoying a cocktail and chatting with the bartender, the evening passes pleasantly.

A bar was walked into by the passive voice.

An oxymoron walked into a bar, and the silence was deafening.

Two quotation marks walk into a “bar.”

A malapropism walks into a bar, looking for all intensive purposes like a wolf in cheap clothing, muttering epitaphs and casting dispersions on his magnificent other, who takes him for granite.

Hyperbole totally rips into this insane bar and absolutely destroys everything.

A question mark walks into a bar?

A non sequitur walks into a bar. In a strong wind, even turkeys can fly.

Papyrus and Comic Sans walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Get out -- we don't serve your type."

A mixed metaphor walks into a bar, seeing the handwriting on the wall but hoping to nip it in the bud.

A comma splice walks into a bar, it has a drink and then leaves.

Three intransitive verbs walk into a bar. They sit. They converse. They depart.

A synonym strolls into a tavern.

At the end of the day, a cliché walks into a bar -- fresh as a daisy, cute as a button, and sharp as a tack.

A run-on sentence walks into a bar it starts flirting. With a cute little sentence fragment.

Falling slowly, slowly falling, the chiasmus collapses to the bar floor.

A figure of speech literally walks into a bar and ends up getting figuratively hammered.

An allusion walks into a bar, despite the fact that alcohol is its Achilles heel.

The subjunctive would have walked into a bar, had it only known.

A misplaced modifier walks into a bar owned by a man with a glass eye named Ralph.

The past, present, and future walked into a bar. It was tense.

A verb walks into a bar, sees a beautiful noun, and suggests they conjugate. The noun declines.

An Oxford comma walks into a bar, where it spends the evening watching the television, getting drunk, and smoking cigars.

A simile walks into a bar, as parched as a desert.

A gerund and an infinitive walk into a bar, drinking to forget.

A hyphenated word and a non-hyphenated word walk into a bar and the bartender nearly chokes on the irony.
I'm glad this was on a website where I could readily select, click and view the definitions.
 

skibob

Making fresh tracks
Skier
Joined
Jan 5, 2016
Posts
2,685
Location
Donner Lake

OR

The kids will never look here.
In Mexico dishwashers are rare. My in-laws decided to install one when they remodeled the kitchen about 10 years ago. But then they wash dishes by hand and then use the dishwasher as a large drying rack. They aren't even sure if it works and don't have any dishwasher detergent. We tease them mercilessly.

Liquor cabinet is a much more creative use.
 

Coach13

Out on the slopes
Skier
Joined
Nov 15, 2015
Posts
1,540
Location
No. VA
My husband was wondering recently about pro golfers and whether they wear their hats when they go out to eat or just let the white dome show . . . Can't remember who it was he was looking at at the time, but I've seen him on TV and it's quite startling.
I’m betting either Matt Kutcher or Jim Furyk. Both have the pure white heads when they remove their golf hats.
 
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