I thought I'd go ahead and resurrect this thread with a final post, just to let any unfortunate soul who gives a crap know how the story ended.
I did a ton of research, got a ton of great information from a ton of knowledgeable and wise folks, did a ton of serious thinking, and ignored every blessed bit of it.
Back in November I came across a pair of lightly used (3-5 days at most) 168cm Dynastar Twisters with brand new Look Pivot 12s for a great deal (at Forerunner in Killington, VT).
So I pulled the trigger.
This is was definitely a gamble that could've left me both frustrated and hundreds of dollars poorer. But I skied on them for the first time at Wolf Creek last January and I absolutely couldn't be happier. The folks who said that nothing skis the moguls like a mogul ski were definitely right. Once I got the feeling of really pressuring the front half of the ski at turn initiation, finding the zipperline has never felt more smooth and natural. Skiing the moguls has never felt better, and I can't imagine going back to all-mountain skis in the bumps after this. I mean, like the Frog Suit in Super Mario Bros. 3 type of upgrade. I love them completely.
A 66mm underfoot ski for someone who's primary ski location is the San Juans... and Wolf Creek in particular, the resort that boasts "The Most Snow in Colorado". How does Ullr and his ilk chastise such a brazen affront? I got two days on my brand new (to me) babies before we were bludgeoned with 39" of powder in 24 hours. So much snow that one of the lifts can't even turn until the late afternoon. So I was reduced to renting again (Volkl 90Eights, not a bad ski at all). But I was able to unsheathe the Twisters again in some nice soft bumps after a couple days when all that cursed powder got cleared away.
But then I always knew moguls specific boards wouldn't've ever really worked as a daily driver in Western Colorado. At the end of my trip in early January, a dude on TGR made good on an offer of unparalleled generosity he made back in August: he gave me a pair of 2011 Scott Missions for exactly $0 (although I did end up giving him a bunch of beer in thanks). A little research taught me this ski (which is actually made by Fischer) is incredibly great for crud and light powder. Furthermore, the set I got were in such good condition, when I took them in to have them tuned, the tech told me they didn't even really need it unless I was expecting to be on boilerplate anytime soon. I picked up a new pair of Look SPX12s on eBay for <$100, just in time for my last trip to Purgatory in late February. I had them mounted (Alpine Sports, Santa Fe, NM) while I got some turns in at Ski Santa Fe. On that same trip, I pulled a set of ski poles from the lost and found and had them cut them down to the appropriate size of 42" (Thanks again, you know who you are). So how does a completely free ski that I've never been on treat me? I loved it. Of all the skis I've ever been on, it's my second favorite (you know the first). Nice flotation, busts through crud, easy turn initiation, and flexible enough in the tips that I can still ski the bumps. Which was good, because The Powder Gods had not yet satiated their hunger for punishment, or maybe I just have difficulty receiving discipline, because after a day on my Twisters, we had to suffer through 36" of fresh at Purg. Dry your eyes, True Believers, I was fortunate enough to get back on the Dynastars before I had to return to the slope-less wastes of Texas.
With a ton of research, a little dedicated searching, and the humbling generosity of a couple exemplary folks in the skiing community, I've ended up with a perfect (for me) and complementary quiver based on two skis that I'd never demoed or even seen. A big reason for that success is yall. Thank all yall for enduring my endless gaper questions and indulging my aggravating "analysis". This is a great place. I'm lucky to be here.